I saw the Bolshoi doing Balanchine’s ‘Jewels’ on simulcast Saturday. The Bolshoi men have the best buttocks I’ve ever seen. Every time they turned around (and they turned around a lot) it was like “WOW! Those are great buttocks”. Not only this, but their buttocks were encased in super-white tights that accentuated every twitch and curve. They would all stand facing back in arabesque clenching and unclenching their buttocks and I couldn’t look at anything else. I wonder if what the republicans have been saying is true and I’ve been around gay men too long and I’m turning gay. While I would be proud to be gay, I think it would be sad if I turned gay by falling for emotionally unavailable gay men as I imagined these Bolshoi guys to be.
In general, the dancing in Jewels was pretty good and some of the women were OK ……but the lead girl in Diamonds reminded me of an evil third grade teacher I’d had. It looked like all of the girls were smiling but underneath pretty unhappy. They looked like hungry dogs. The men seemed like they’d been eating just fine.
I started wondering how I would apply for funding if I were applying for Jewels. No question it’s a masterpiece – a supercool dance….. but I wonder how well-fed Caucasian men with great buttocks and starved Caucasian women all dancing around in meaningless patterns, speak to traditionally underserved populations? The whole thing seems so incorrect which is probably why they love it in Russia.